FRIENDS   (back)

"Friends make the path of life worth traveling."
- Anonymous

One common misconception in dementia care, is the idea that people with dementia no longer have friends...that somehow the loss of recognition and memories prevents any heartstring attachments.

Dr. Tom Kitwood lays out six great emotional needs of people with dementia in his book, Dementia Reconsidered.  It just so happens that one of the great needs is to feel attached... to something or, particularly, someone.  When Mildred (Mary's mother) had dementia, friendships formed quickly and that safety net was comforting.  In times of crisis, our friends help us through.  We know we have backup... and people with dementia need this reassurance, too.

Certain systems within our health care facilities are detrimental to the friendships formed between residents.  When a resident no longer meets the requirements of a particular unit, that person is transferred somewhere else... away from important friendships.  After the transfer we sometimes notice these folks not eating, not walking, essentially not interested in living anymore.  Shutting down, in these cases, is not necessarily the natural aging process.  What we may be witnessing are the psychological effects of uprooting and beginning anew... at a stage in life where 'starting over' is the last thing elders want to do.

Friendships are real, and as quoted above, they make life worth living.  We can help as caregivers when we respect the relationships and create social interactions... planned get togethers where friends reunite and spend time in meaningful ways.

Aside from human relationships, we also need to consider our
animal companions.
 

"Animals are such
agreeable friends,
they ask no questions,
they pass no criticisms."
- George Eliot

As James R. Dowling states in his book, Keeping Busy, "Pets are, in many ways, like children in terms of their appeal - their nearly automatic ability to produce smiles and an air of optimism."  Even if your mother/ father/ husband/ wife has never enjoyed cats or dogs, dementia sometimes breaks down that barrier. The need to give and receive love is so strong, that many times a furry creature is a welcomed visitor!

Investing time with animals has been shown to reduce depression and significantly boost self-esteem.  However, make sure to match the animal's activity and energy level with that of the individual with dementia. For example, a lively dog might be appropriate for someone who can go out for a walk or has previously owned dogs; a cat may be more appropriate for a person who is less mobile and more calm in personality.